Relationship Breakups …

My children’s father and I divorced when my two children were aged two and four. They are now aged 18 and ‘almost’ 17. 

This was something that had been on the cards for quite a while but which came to a sudden end one Monday morning. I left to take my eldest to nursery and by the time I came home, our family bubble had decreased from four to three and there was more space in the wardrobe than previously.   

The separation was pretty amicable. We both knew that it was for the best in the long run and were both committed to making it work for the children.

Despite this, I remember quite vividly, some 14 years on now, the shock and numbness that came with this sudden and dramatic change in my and our children’s lives. I remember sitting on the floor in the lounge with the children playing around me, doubting myself and my ability to make decisions for my children’s future. 

A million questions flew around my head. 

What if I didn’t know the answer to something that the children asked me?  

What if one of them was ill and I didn’t have anyone around to pick up the other from nursery or school?

What if I was ill?

How would they adjust to living without their dad at home?

Could I do the job of two parents for the biggest part of their lives?

Would we need to move house so that I could afford the mortgage or should I work more so that we could keep the stability of living in the same house?

The list was endless. Some questions were tiny and some were potentially introducing another significant change into our already topsy turvy lives. My head was muddled and to be honest, the early months were quite a blur. Life was one day at a time.

But, as time moved on, I realised that I was more capable than I thought I was. I started to discover character traits that made me stronger than I believed I could be. 

As those of you that know me will resonate with, I discovered just how independent, driven, and motivated I was to protect and nurture my two children as a single mum. Unwittingly, I took this negative situation and turned it into a positive one.

My ex-husband and I moved on to ‘sorting out’ various parts of our lives so that we had a regular schedule of time with the children, the financial situation was agreed and the children adjusted very much more easily than I had envisaged. Yes, there were challenges – and some huge ones at that – but step by step life evolved to become a much calmer and then happier place for us all. 

I didn’t know anything at all about life coaching at this point in my life. If I had, I would have jumped in with both feet. If I had been working with my current life coach (yes, I massively believe in life coaching :)) then, I am certain that I would have left the chaos behind and found peace in a much quicker and supported manner. The knock-on effect for those close to me would have been minimised and I would have loved the ability to share and plan in a non-judgemental, confidential environment, with someone who was 100% focused on my well-being.

It takes commitment and sometimes bravery to reach out for help and support, but it is something that you won’t regret. 

Angela